Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
