Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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