Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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