I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
