Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
