And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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