she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
