My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
