can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
