You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
