This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
