I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
