I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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