I cockslap morals
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
