people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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