i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
