Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
