I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
