Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
