my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
