hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
