I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
