We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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