My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
