who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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