1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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