i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
