I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Randomize
