U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
