I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
