Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
