Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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