Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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