A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
