I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
soo... how was my night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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