moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
