Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
