oh god the rape fog is back!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
