i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Boobs are out for the taking
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
