First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
