She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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