The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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