i permit you to call me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
