we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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