He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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