I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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