Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
