I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
