Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
