yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
