My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
