oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
