Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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